Winter blues...

I really am getting tired of winter. Each year I get the blues, eventhough I take measures to make it better, they don't ever work as well as the smell and sound of a Spring morning. I take SAM-e, vitamin B complex, fish oil, try to get out for walks, drink plenty of water...and still I feel like sitting in a corner with my blanky and crying. It takes so much energy to even begin to think of getting up and doing something.
It's not like there is nothing to do around my house, there are thousands of things to be done. It's overwhelming! David is working on the basement, and instead of throwing things out that we don't want, need, or are even useable, he just sets them aside. When I start to throw things, he fishes them out of the garbage and puts them back. If I could get away with renting a dumpster and doing a good cleaning without him finding out, I would...in a heartbeat.
It's gross around here. The porch, which I envision being a room to have a cup of coffee and listen to the birds sing, while watching the sun come up, or taking a rest and a little lunch after working in the garden, or having dinner with my family and sitting around to talk...he thinks of this same room as his catch all for junk. All of the stuff that he doesn't want to put back in its rightful place just sits in the porch, until I get so angry that I scream and yell and throw a fit and end up doing it myself and getting him mad at me.
I try really hard to make storage simple. I get boxes and totes and baskets for things, so these things won't just be sitting around. He has more tools than you can shake a stick at, all because he can not put anything away where it belongs.
I had better stop this rant, because he reads this every now and then and will probably feel kind of bad if I go any further.
Even this ranting doesn't make me feel any better. I just want to cry, or scream, or dig my nails into my legs until I actually feel something besides what I'm feeling now.

Grand Am

We seem to be having a bit of bad luck with cars in our family. Last month Lauren rolled Andy's new-used Monte Carlo (they were unhurt) and it ended up being totalled, and he got a big settlement from State Farm. He ended up leasing a new Nissan Ultima (loaded). So, this last Monday, I was on my way to pick up a release form at PIP, when a car with three young girls hit me, right in front of the driver's rear wheel. The door just had a dent and it wouldn't open, but the piece next to the door, right in front on the tire, was smushed. The girl's car had a broken running light and a little dent right behind the passenger's headlight, plus it was a 1992 Nissan Maxima, so "Who cares?"
I saw her coming into my lane, and I had nowhere to go, the turn lane was right beside me and the median was too close. I didn't want to run into that, so I sped up a little, hoping to get out of her way, and I thought I had until I felt and heard a thump that sent me spinning into the intersection. I started out going west and ended up going east, I felt like I was on an ammusment ride. It didn't dawn on me until I was well on my way again that when I went sailing into the intersection, there were NO cars by me. My angel was certainly in the car with me!
We pulled into a parking lot and assessed damages, called insurance companies and the police. We didn't have to wait long for the police, to arrive and I have to admit, he was very nice. We happened to be out of our cars when he pulled up. He rolled down his window while he was filling out his paperwork, and I noticed that he had a diamond stud in his left ear. All I could think of was..."Can he get away with wearing that while on duty? What happened to uniform code? Isn't it a little BLING?" I almost asked him, but I caught my tongue before it got away from me. I did however HAVE to touch the Brooklyn Park emblem on the side of his car. It was the kind that reflects, and it looked rough, and.... I just can't control myself when I see something I want to touch. Good thing I'm not a little kid anymore, my mom would probably slap my hands, or do what I did with my youngest, and never take me into a store with breakables.
Anyhoo, last night after choir, we dropped my car off at the same place Andy took his, with the hopes that because it is 10 yrs old and has 120,000 miles, that they would total it. NO SUCH LUCK...they can and are going to fix it. Crap! Now I have to pay my $500 deductable and wait forever and a day until her insurance company pays me back. Well, I suppose $500 is cheaper than buying a new car, or even an old car.

Camera...

I have a beautiful Canon Eos Rebel XS camera that I've had less than a year. Do you see new pictures on my Blog?? Am I up to date on scrapbooking? Am I up to date of blogging? Do I have a scrap calendar? No, No, No and No! Geez, I am pathetic. I come home from work, go up to my room, turn on my pretty new lap top and that's it. I'm in for the night, glued to my computer. I am getting fatter by the second. Sitting on my big rear for hours on end is doing Nothing for my self esteem. My eyes are killing me from staring at a shiney, glowing screen for hours. I'm holed up, all by myself, everynight. Loser!

Benefits...

I am soooo bummed. All of us part-time people at the hospital I work at, were sent a letter stating that our benefits were changing. If we had health insurance through the hospital, the premiums would be doubling. If we had MLB (medical leave bank) it would be disappearing. We would now be earning PTO days at a rate so slow it would hardly even matter.
The hospital has always had a policy that anyone working less than 40hrs/pp, did not receive benefits. We all knew this and were ok with it. I have been working at 56 hrs/pp for years. It has been great. I get a decent salary (well, it used to be decent, now I'm not so sure), and full benefits accrued per hours worked.
I have thought about adding one more day, so I would be at 64 hrs/pp. There never seemed to be an extra 8 hours that I could have. They were doing some downsizing by not replacing people that retired or left for other reasons. We were getting pretty thin, and complaining that we were very busy and could sure use some help. Then the recession hit, people lost their jobs, they had no insurance, so didn't go to the office for routine checks. But, they still got sick or injured and came to the hospital instead. Still having no insurance, they couldn't pay their bill. The hospital was getting worried, and did their own lay offs. Cutting out raises, stopping 401 contributions, no more Christmas Tea, closing the coffee shop on evenings and weekends, putting a freeze on hiring and absolutely NO overtime, unless absolutely warranted.
Things were ok for awhile, then more lay offs. Now...the latest in cost saving schemes...cut out the loyal employee's benefits. What a wonderful thing to do to the people who are supposed to be giving compassionate, remarkable care. There are 300+ part-time employees. I have a hard time believing that this is going to make a very big dent in the big picture. What's the next thing to happen? Some of the full-time employees are getting worried.
The hospital has decided to reinstate cost of living raises, and 401 contributions. Maybe they should freeze those another year and give us part-timers a chance to add hours and keep our benefits. April 1, 2010 is the date that we become unworthy employees.
I am fit to be tied. I have put in nearly 34 years of my life at a place where I am not valued. What reason do I have to stay? Except for the fact that we are still in a recession, and hospitals aren't hiring, I am pretty much f****d. My faith in this institution is gone! Maybe it's time to seriously think about putting into place one of the many ideas I've had over the years. It would be awfully scary to leave, but I just may have to.