Friday, June 15, 2012

Linked 52 - Father

Henry Harry Shocinski
February 13, 1918 - June 19, 1978

I don't remember very much about my father, then again I don't remember much about my mother either, 
and she's still living. 
I have a horrible memory, always have. I can read a book and not be able to really tell you about it. 
I can re-read a book and be surprised. 
My childhood is pretty much a blur, except for those few things that are burned into my memory.

These are some things I do remember about my dad...

he bowled on a league every Wednesday night for as long as I can remember.
he stirred cream and sugar into his coffee for a looonnnggg time
he knew the names of All my stuffed animals 
he had big arm muscles from working at a lumber yard
he used to smoke Camel's and it was long enough ago that children could run down to the store and 
get a pack of cigarettes for their dad
he loved to fish and taught me (the fish knew it was me on the other end of the line and made sure 
to stay away)
he took us to a lake resort every summer and would take us for speed boat rides
he took us water skiing, over and over and over
he taught me to drive and bought me my first car (1966 Buick Special - YUK! It was an old person's car,       but I ended up loving it, because it was all mine)
he took me golfing (even though I was terrible)
he loved to deer hunt and we would tag along and walk the woods with him
he built his own home (actually built it)
he loved woodworking
he made me a hutch
he made me a desk/bookcase and a bookcase
he made me a jewelry box
he used to draw cartoons, very well
he yelled at me when I colored outside of the lines
he did Not like runny scrambled eggs
he loved blood sausage and would cut the frozen links with a meat cleaver when he was drunk
he drank a lot when I was in my teens
he was really mad when I got my ears pierced (at 18 years old)
he denied being an alcoholic because he didn't go to work drunk
he would hide his whiskey
he was drunk every weekend and later on, every evening
he didn't like my boyfriend
he wouldn't allow us to touch
he believed a girl did not need to know how to change a tire because if she got a flat, 
some Man would stop and help her 
he didn't believe a girl needed to have a college education because when she got married, 
her husband would take care of her
when he got sick, his eyes were jaundiced and he had abdominal and back pain
we thought for sure it was cirrhosis of the liver
it was pancreatic cancer...

Some of this may be why I don't remember a lot about my childhood, and am having a really hard time finding something positive to write...and I can't believe I am actually going to press Publish, but I am. 

I drink very infrequently, don't like when others have more than a couple of drinks, can't tolerate when they lose control, and am scared to death one of my children will follow in my father's footsteps 
and be an alcoholic. 

I pray that someday when we meet again, this will no longer be an issue. 
I do pray that he is at peace.

Check out what these ladies have to say about Father...(I certainly hope I have everyone, please let me know if I don't)



Heather M. said...

janet, thank you for sharing and being so honest in your post. unfortunately, i grew up with a dad who drank a lot too and it still hurts and has left me with a lot of baggage. :( i pray the same thing for my children. kudos to you for being brave enough to share.

Tracey said...

Janet, your post was so brave and yet so touching. Your dad's life and character is part of your story. I'm so glad you felt the courage to just write from your heart and share it.
I also loved seeing the old pictures!

Jean said...

Love this honesty.
Despite the alcoholism, he did some pretty amazing things for you. Buying a car! Knowing all the names to your stuffed animals -really, what dad would even pay attention to this?

Anonymous said...

I read every single word and poured over every image. What a powerful post. Parents leave such marks on our lives, don't they? Thank you for sharing your story. I appreciate your honesty and I'm sorry that parts of your childhood were painful. I saw some beauty in there, too. I pray that when you two meet again that it's a beautiful thing! :)

Amanda Kelley said...

I love your honesty. Drinking pulls apart families, I've seen it in my own. We only hope our children lead and grow up in better circumstances than we did. The oldie B&W photos are great.

stacey said...

Janet...loved the photos and loved your heart. I also know the pain of alcoholism. xo

Andrea said...

I loved this post Janet. Love that you bared your heart to us. I feel like I know you a little better. Even though you say you don't remember much of your childhood, I love some of the things you do remember...especially that he remembered all of your stuffed animals' names. Our parents are such a powerful force in the story of our life.
Beautiful photos.
Sending you hugs.

Naomi said...

Thank you for sharing Janet. I love the good memories you hold and im sorry for the not so good ones. I have never experienced alcholism personally but know people close to me who have...i love the old photos.

beth said...

this is all so bravo to you for sharing you and your father with us.....